im about as happy as oj after his trial
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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