i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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