So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
