I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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