Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
