absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
