I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
