Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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