ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
