Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
