I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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