I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ugly people sure do ruin things
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
