Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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