I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
