Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
