he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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