she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
i think i have herpe
just one?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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