oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
