If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
