she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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