i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
