I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
