Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
