Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
