I like to think it a success when the cops are called
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
