I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
