I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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