New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
