Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
