i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
