let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
