She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
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