Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
time to smoke my breakfast
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
