so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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