wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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