I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
