it wasn't lemon gatorade
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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