Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
did i walk over a car last night?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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