So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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