4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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