Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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