just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I need to calm my uterus...
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
