last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
