Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
