and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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