six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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