How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
