i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Randomize
