'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
