I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
