my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
