and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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