your room smells of hookers.
And success
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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