i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i drank out of a bidet.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
