my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
